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18 Year-Old Has Sex with a Hot Pocket on Vine

At least he practiced safe sex.

You wouldn’t think that an 18 year-old from New Hampshire, who had sex with a ham and cheese Hot Pocket, would provide enough material for a lengthy interview, but if you then went to FirstWeFeast.com, you’d see how wrong you are. You also might never be able to look at another ham and cheese Hot Pocket the same way ever again.

The wished-to-remain-nameless teen going by the handle @VersacePopTarts (also known as “Thot Pocket”) posted to Twitter that if he could get 420 re-tweets, then he would make good on the contents of said tweet which - you guessed it - would be to have sex with a Hot Pocket.  Not surprisingly, he surpassed his goal, so he did the deed, making him a “Twitter folk hero” - whatever the hell that is.

While many of us are reminded of the film American Pie, most of us probably thought the same thing at first - didn’t that hurt like hell?

@VersacePopTarts said that he would, “definitely recommend it” to others, though he wouldn’t necessarily recommend that you upload a video of yourself doing it.  That’s because he has subsequently been blocked from Hot Pockets’ official brand account on Twitter, and his Twitter and Vine accounts have since been suspended.  He also wouldn’t recommend you do it without a condom on, since when he tried, it was too hot to stand it after, he estimates, about four minutes in his microwave.

Apparently, this all started when @VersacePopTarts uploaded a Vine of himself “violating” a box of brown-sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts.  (Well, that is, after all, the best flavor, next to blueberry.)  It’s no surprise that Pop Tarts would be the subject of his first Vine, considering the handle he used to set up the account. 

The clip was ultimately taken down, but @VersacePopTarts would not be repressed.  He posted a photo of himself with the violated, large-sized Pop Tarts box, then uploaded the tweet that asked for re-tweets and stated his ill intentions with one very unlucky Hot Pocket.

@VersacePopTarts explained to FWF that he runs the Twitter account “@pizzaminati”, which has over 100,000 followers, and he got tired of his “original content” (pizza-related tweets) being stolen and uncredited.  So, as a way to fight back, @VersacePopTarts figured the best way to be different online and stand out individually was to go for shock value. 

He says that he did “much more crazy sh*t” than the Hot Pockets and Pop Tart box incidents, like (maybe or maybe not) gluing pubic hair to his face.  Or, tamer than that, posing for a photo wearing nothing but a bottle of Hennessey covering his genitals, which he says was re-tweeted over 2,000 times.

@VersacePopTarts claims to have earned 6,000 more followers just from the Hot Pocket incident alone before his account was suspended, and that he did that and the Pop Tarts box thing because he found both incidents to be purely hysterical. 

Despite the fact that the Hot Pocket brand account blocked @VersacePopTarts, the latter, in a Braveheart-esque move, exclaimed “you can suspend my vine, but you can’t change the fact [that] I f---ed a Hot Pocket.”  He then proceeded to announce his future X-rated intentions for rotisserie chicken. 

Someone needs to explain to this guy that you can’t make more food just by procreating with it.  You have to get in the car and go to the supermarket to buy more of it, just like everyone else.

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