I’m truly hoping that Guardians of the Galaxy does not become the next Frozen. It was enjoyable for what it’s worth, but it was certainly not the “best Marvel movie ever!!!”. I said going in that I was probably going to give it a 3.5 out of 5 upon seeing it, and now that I have seen it, I can safely say that this was a fair assessment.
Yes, there are some semi-spoilers in here, so if you haven’t yet seen the film, stop reading this right now - DUH.
The opening scene is sad, but I wouldn’t call it as sad as the opening montage of Up, though others have. One thing I did love about the opening? A tiny Peter Quill dancing under the huge font of the movie title. That struck me as just plain genius and hysterical. Chris Pratt is pretty good as said lovable goofball, though I don’t find him to be sexy or otherwise jump off the screen. He is what he is.
Zoe Saldana has got some serious moves as Gamora, and I’m not talking dance moves. You wouldn’t want to mess with this girl in a dark alley. Sadly, Doctor Who’s Karen Gillan, as Gamora’s sister Nebula, is reduced to a whiny throw-away character who exists solely because you know Gamora has to kick her ass at the end.
Dave Bautista is pretty decent as Drax - he doesn’t come off as just some meat-head who can’t act, though it’s difficult to lump him in with other cinematic gentle giants. There’s just something about him that seems...different, I don’t know.
Bradley Cooper’s Rocket Raccoon is not as ridiculous as you might have expected him to be - he actually has some of the funniest scenes in the film, including one with a leg and a later related one with an eye. You’ll see.
Lee Pace is perfect as villain Ronan. He’s just got a great villain voice, though I may be biased since I’ve enjoyed his performances in everything from Pushing Daisies to The Hobbit films (except for Halt and Catch Fire - what a dud).
Michael Rooker is basically Merle from The Walking Dead in blue paint. And yet he proves he’s the superior brother here because while Daryl needs the entire crossbow, he can kill you with just the arrow. (Just kidding, Daryl Lovers, calm down. The Daryl love is strong here.)
And, of course, Vin Diesel’s Groot is that character who conveys a lot without saying much. Though, there is one moment near the end of the movie where he may just have you reaching for a hankie.
Djimon Hounsou, John C. Reilly, and Glenn Close are some pretty big names who don’t get a lot of screen time, particularly Hounsou who you don’t really see much of long after his name fades from the opening credits. That was a disappointment.
Uber Spoiler Section! DO NOT READ PAST THE POINT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!
-I really, seriously want a baby Groot toy. It doesn’t even have to dance; it can just appear to be dancing. But holy crap, I need a plush (or vinyl, not picky) version of that in my life.
-The Howard the Duck cameo was disappointing as all get-out. His lines weren’t that funny, and he looks terrible.
-Speaking of disappointing cameos, nothing gets worse than Nathan Fillion’s cameo. Here you had the perfect opportunity to have the characters run into Mal from Firefly, and you waste not only Mal but Fillion as well by putting him in unrecognizable make-up. Terrible. You should feel ashamed, movie-makers. Go stand in the corner.